I am not going to call BF "BF" any more. I guess if i end up referring to him i guess I'll use "R". We've been separated for a while now but we are just in a sort of "holding pattern" with no resolution in sight. So I just have to accept it. I'm not good enough for him. He's almost definitely not going to want me around like i want him. I love him but he doesn't love me the same. He says he loves me and wants to spend time with me, and we do, and i just have to be content with that. that has to be good enough because I screwed up so badly i don't deserve anything better. I regret everything I've done for the last 9 months, every decision was wrong. This is just how it is.